Rain + Tile = Angry Coccyx

It’s been rainy the past few days. I believe this type of rain is what meteorologists call “crazy-ass rain.”

Or, if you’re a member of my family (or this guy) and like to move hyphens around for your own amusement: “crazy ass-rain.”

One minute it’s sunny. Next minute, it’s cloudy. Then, a one-minute-long downpour. Then, it’s normal. Wait five minutes. One minute downpour. Wait five minutes. One minute downpour. And the cycle continues.

Hence, the scientific term “crazy-ass rain,” which is also known as, “are-you-on-crack-rain” or, “seriously-make-up-your-damn-mind-rain.”

It looks like the gods are dropping buckets of water from the sky. Where’s the pleasant, steady, peaceful rain? The rain that says, “Here you go, sweet Earth, have a nice cool drink. I’m here to take care of you.” Instead, this rain says, “Alright already, I heard you the first 8000 times, here’s your damn water! Are you happy now?!”

Wow, two curses in two paragraphs. I apologize. I’m actually a nice person in real life, I swear. (HA!)

But I like rain. Both here and at home. I especially enjoy it here because it means it’s in the low 80’s and humid instead of the low 90’s and humid. And, at least during the downpours themselves, no *!@#$^%^(*^%!@#!@! mosquitoes can eat me.

What I DO NOT like about rain here is how it affects the tile that makes up 90% of the sidewalks here in Taiwan. Or at least Taichung. It’s very dangerous, wet tile. As a safety precaution, I pretty much always wear my sneakers, because they’re my only shoes with any traction. I quickly learned within the first week of being here NEVER to wear my foam Old Navy flip flops. EVER.

When it’s not raining, it’s common to encounter a wet tile sidewalk in the evening, when businesses and restaurants are closing and washing their sidewalks. But when it’s raining, you’re constantly trying not to slip and die. Although, overhangs are common above sidewalks, I’ll give them that. That helps.

But it didn’t help me the other day when I (stupidly) parked my scooter on a tile sidewalk. Lately my scooter has been having trouble when it’s parked on tile. I can’t seem to push it just right so that the kickstand releases. Scooters have two kickstands: one like a bike, which tilts the scooter to the side, and one that holds it more securely upright. I always use the latter, and you have to push the scooter forward to release it. So lately I’ve had to drag it out of its spot, turn it, and then push it towards the nearest concrete. Then it will release.

So the other night I was going out to see some friends and I needed to take the scooter. So I tried pushing it forward to release the kickstand, to no avail. Then I started pulling it backwards so I could get it towards some concrete and be on my way. Scooters are heavy (at least my 125 is), and while I was pulling with all my might, trying to drag the thing out of its spot, I slipped on the rain-drenched tile and fell on my butt. It was one of those dramatic falls where your legs fly into the air and, as you’re falling, you’re thinking, “Uh oh, I’m falling. I’m going to the hospital.” And, apparently because I’m a giant loser, I literally thought to myself, mid-fall, “*^@! My coccyx!”

It hurt, and my head definitely hit the ground (luckily I had my helmet on already!!!!), and I cursed…but then kept going. I considered the fact that I was using the same strategy and would likely fall again, but just as I was trying to think of a new plan, I lost my footing for the second time and fell backwards…again.

This time, I thought, “&@$! My sacrum! I’m going to the hospital!” But again I survived. I have three swollen bruises on my leg (it was knocked into the scooter on the way down) and my butt hurts of course, but I’m glad I didn’t crack my skull open. I eventually got that bastard out of its spot and I’m never parking on tile again.

And that’s my story about falling on my butt. Twice within a five-minute period.

Crazy-ass rain.